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THE ONION MIGHT HIRE ME AFTER ALL (BUT STILL PROBABLY WON’T)

Writer Sends Cover Letter to The Onion Formatted As Onion Article

My actual cover letter to The Onion

Brian Theobald
The Haven
Published in
2 min readApr 13, 2025

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America’s Most Coveted News Source

BRIGHTWATERS, NY — In a bold move that could easily backfire, local humor writer Brian Theobald applied for a staff writer position at The Onion today by formatting his cover letter in the exact same style as one of the publication’s articles.

“Sometimes you gotta do whatever it takes to stand out,” Theobald said. “I know it’s a gamble. There’s a good chance the editors are reading this right now and rolling their eyes, saying, ‘What a douche!’ But you know what? I took a shot! I’ve admired The Onion’s voice, consistency, and fearlessness for years, and I’d love the opportunity to contribute.”

In addition to being a freelance writer for online magazines such as and , Theobald has maintained a significant presence on the publishing platform Medium in recent years, where he has posted, among other things, over 80 Onion-style “fake news” articles, all under the kicker The Onion Won’t Hire Me, So…

The Haven
The Haven

Published in The Haven

A Place to Be Funny Without Being a Jerk

Brian Theobald
Brian Theobald

Written by Brian Theobald

Humorist. Satirist. Equal Opportunity Offender.

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