Member-only story
Are you surviving using your analysis paralysis mode? Maybe your body needs a break
I remember feeling freakishly anxious the very first time I misplaced my pocket money, worth 2000 rupees. I kept looking around, making me wonder if I was a horrible person since I could not take care of my own money. My mother asked me to calm down, and she looked around for a while (she eventually found it later). During those tense few hours, my mind was starting to unravel a kaleidoscopic montage of horrifying images. I began to trace every minute of my missteps, and every minute spent seemed to grow into a larger force. It was not about the 2000 rupees now, since anxiety was the driving force. I did not exist in reality anymore, it was more like an “inception” of “what will happen if I don’t find the money?” to “Am I even worthy of living this life because I lost that money?” It sounds blown out of proportion, but this really happened.
I believed the whole world was in shambles because my carelessness made me feel weak and maybe even more human. I don’t remember much, but I believe that it was a sustained and silent panic attack, which is the worst. I believed that I would be a fearful and irresponsible person all my life since I had just caused some massive reputational damage to myself and my family.
