Nightcafe by author

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Eleven years ago I made a choice that completely changed me and my life

I told myself security was enough. I was fine. Deep down, I was lying.

There was another world waiting that burned hotter and pulled harder. A man who felt equally like home and chaos. The one I’d tried to forget, but never could.

I wanted him, like a pull in my chest, an ache in the pit of my gut. The kind of want that made life dull without him in it.

But I was scared. My home was safe and predictable. Leaving meant stepping into the unknown, losing comfort, stability and security.

Then, listening to a clairvoyant I hadn’t planned to see, I heard the words that knocked down my walls.

“You have a choice ahead. Stay, or choose him. Decide soon, or the other path will be lost to you forever.”

It shook me. I’d spent so long convincing myself I was trapped. That staying was for the best. But it wasn’t. Never had been.

So I left and lost nearly everything I owned in the process — except myself.

And sometimes late at night, I think about how easily I could’ve chosen to stay. How different my life would be. And how much of myself I’d never have actualised.