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Strength Incarnate
Never-ending Dreams
I keep having the same recurring dreams and I am not sure how I feel about them.
Every night I dream about a random group of people. Faces that are unfamiliar to me.
During this time, they all disliked me. No matter what I did to prove I was not the villain that they portrayed me as they continued to shun me. And when I screamed out for their attention, only silence was present. Yet, my urge to feel heard, not to be left misunderstood, always made me angry and violent, which ended up proving their point and further distancing themselves from me.
Having Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) makes relationships tough. And when scenarios like the dream I had, play out in real life, there are instances of where I begin splitting (all-or-nothing thinking) and feel abandoned, which are typical symptoms of BPD. I don’t like the feeling of being disliked or misunderstood, left without reason. Most days, I feel like I am broke. Like am I the problem? I’ve asked myself this countless times before.
However, as I have gotten older, I realized, it takes two, and I am not the only one with heavy baggage or who has done something shameful or is a villain in somebody else’s book.
As disturbing as the dreams are, I realized throughout my 20s, that the reason I acted…
