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There’s No Such Thing As A Free Pilates Class
Escape from aggressive gym marketing tactics
The pilates studio near my apartment where I regrettably accepted a free class last month has called me to enquire about my goals several times. “I have no goals,” I told them the first time and hung up. At this point, without a major surgical intervention, the flesh on my skeleton will continue to droop and slacken towards the earth until I die. And I’m fine with that.
In lieu of accomplishments, I plan to plateau. For the sake of continuity and consistency in my character arc, next year will be much like this year, which was much like the years that preceded it.
“In order to have leaders, we must have followers,” I told the pilates studio manager Angela, when she called me again. “So, no, a $5,000 membership plan doesn’t really work for my lifestyle.”
“Can you put a price on long and lean muscles?” Manager Angela said before I hung up, leaving me to wonder about the rate of cannibalism on the pilates circuit.
In order to have strivers, we must have slackers. If I stop accomplishing things, I will be providing a valuable service to society, allowing those who are interested in things like growth and development to shine. When these acquaintances run into me and I tell them I’m doing…
