I Let Myself Go

The moment I remembered my body always knows best

Me, before I was fat, doing a sunrise walk to the most eastern point of Australia (photo by author of author)

Self-awareness and intuition fell by the wayside, and I let myself go. I became heavier, searching for answers outside myself when my body knew what it needed. Well played, Universe. Well played.

I craved sugar, bought supplements, and felt off, but I didn’t look within. Instead, I blamed external things: my job, lifestyle, and inability to cook my own food. Sure, they were factors, but the truth was, my body was shouting, “Listen to me!” This isn’t the first time I’ve ignored the signs.

When I feel flat, it’s because I’m not eating well, not moving as I need to, and not honouring what my body craves — good food, movement, and rest. But instead of taking those simple steps, I’d chase magic fixes: supplements, fasts, spending money on things when I needed a green smoothie and a fistful of spinach.

I’d been so focused on regulating my nervous system and managing emotional triggers that I missed how I was reacting to physical triggers — feeling sluggish, tired, and uncomfortable in my own skin.

I always say, “Respond, don’t react,” but even I see the seesaw of emotions and lessons that cycle through daily life. The whispers are always there: “Turn this corner, speak to that person, don’t eat that food, rest, move, write, cut this out…