Why the New Year Brings Depression for Me
What if the New Year isn’t the fresh start everyone says it is? What if it’s just a mirror reflecting back everything I want to forget?
As the New Year begins, it feels like the world is buzzing with excitement. People are setting goals, celebrating fresh starts, and making big plans for the year ahead. But for me, the New Year brings something entirely different — it’s a time of pressure, confusion, and a sense of depression I can’t seem to shake.
While everyone seems eager to chase their goals, I find myself looking back at the past year and feeling like I failed. Most of the goals I set for myself weren’t accomplished. Some I gave up on entirely, and others just slipped through my fingers as time flew by.
It’s hard not to feel like I’ve wasted the year, and it leaves me wondering: is there something wrong with me?
The Weight of January on My Shoulders
Adding to these emotions is the fact that my birthday falls on January 7th, right after the New Year. While birthdays are often seen as joyful milestones, for me, they carry a heavy sense of responsibility and serve as a stark reminder of time passing. Each year, I feel the weight of growing older without achieving the things I hoped for.
It’s not just about personal reflection — family expectations amplify the pressure. They look at me and see potential, someone capable of doing much more. But when I look at myself, I see wasted time and missed opportunities. This gap between their expectations and my reality feels overwhelming, leaving me with a suffocating sense of failure.
The Endless Cycle of Feeling Stuck
This isn’t a new feeling for me. I remember last year vividly — sitting alone, overwhelmed by a sense of urgency and anxiety as the clock struck midnight. Another year had passed, and I felt like I was still standing in the same place, with no major accomplishments to show for it.
It wasn’t for lack of trying. I set goals and made plans, but somewhere along the way, I lost momentum. Life got in the way, or perhaps I let myself get in my own way. By the end of the year, all I could see was time slipping through my fingers, leaving me feeling stuck.
And yet, despite the overwhelming sense of failure, I can’t ignore the moments of gratitude. Looking back, there were unexpected blessings that I hadn’t planned for but turned out to be meaningful. For those moments, I’m deeply thankful to Allah.
At the same time, I’ve come to understand that some missed opportunities were actually for the greater good. While they felt like failures in the moment, I now realize they carried lessons I needed to learn. Life rarely unfolds the way we plan, and though it’s frustrating or even depressing at the time, things often make sense in hindsight.
Finding Hope in Trust and Tawakkul
When I reflect on those moments, I’m reminded of Allah’s wisdom and mercy. Trusting His plan has become a source of peace for me. Do what’s within your control, and leave the rest to Him. Ask Allah for barakah and guidance, and when things don’t go according to your plan, practice tawakkul. Trust that everything happening is for your ultimate good, even if you don’t see it now.
Allah loves us. He is the Most Merciful, and He will always make a way out for us. This trust gives me the strength to keep going, even when the weight of the New Year feels overwhelming.
The urgency to change, to make something of myself, feels stronger now than ever. The New Year may remind me of what I haven’t done, but it also leaves me with hope — hope that by next New Year’s Eve, I’ll have something to celebrate.
Holding Onto Hope
Even though I don’t have all the answers, I’m trying to hold onto hope. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. Many of us wrestle with the weight of expectations, the fear of time slipping away, and the anxiety of not living up to our potential.
The New Year might bring a sense of pressure, but it’s also an opportunity to reflect, reset, and keep moving forward. Even if I didn’t accomplish my goals last year, giving up isn’t an option. Small steps, no matter how tiny, are always better than standing still.
If you’re reading this and feeling the same way, I want you to know you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel stuck, anxious, or unsure about the future. Trust in Allah’s plan, and keep going. By this time next year, we might look back and see progress — even if it’s just in how we kept moving forward, one step at a time.
