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Beauty was currency. Brilliance was worth.
I Was Taught to Be Beautiful. My Brother Was Taught to Be Brilliant
A reflection on growing up with conflicting expectations of beauty and intelligence — and learning to redefine both
When I was 13, my mother let me bring a friend to a beach day. As my friend splashed in the waves, carefree and smiling, my mother turned to me and said, “She’s so thin and beautiful. You could look like that if you ate better and were more active.” I was 115 pounds at the time. Her words pierced me. They wounded my self-worth and lingered long after.
Growing up, I learned that beauty was currency. My mother’s words and actions reinforced it at every turn.
From a young age, she made it clear that my appearance mattered — a lot. Comments about my weight, what I ate, and how I presented myself were constant. I remember her disapproval if I chose an outfit she didn’t like; sometimes, I wasn’t even allowed to go out until I changed. Before I could understand self-image, I was already struggling with it, trying to navigate her expectations and the silent judgments they carried.
