PULP It Like It’s Hot: My Elementary School Crush Popped My Cherry

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I was practically invisible until I got my braces off then poof, instant B.D.E. (big dick energy). Boys who I’d known my entire life, but had never shown romantic interest, were lining up to have steamy, awkward, teenage sex with me. None of them were quite right — but that was about to change.

One night over the summer before my senior year in high school I was at my friend Kate’s house, which was a typical hang out spot because Kate’s mom was usually out partying or tanning on some guy’s yacht in Miami ever since they caught her dad cheating with a real estate broker. Kate did whatever she wanted because mommy did too. We were watching shitty rom-coms we’d already seen when she told me people were coming over.

I was ​not​ expecting to see my fifth-grade crush, Harry. I would have taken a fucking bullet for him. A little about Harry —

We sat next to each other on the bus to and from school for an entire year when I was 11 years old, slumped down with our knees against the seat in front of us playing rock, paper, scissors which would occasionally turn into hand holding. I saved him a seat in the morning when I got on the bus before him and he’d save me a seat in the afternoon if he made it to the bus before me, placing his backpack down next to him and only moving it when he saw…