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(HOW) HAVE LGBTQ FILM & LITERATURE SHAPED YOU?
Trans Hermione and the Importance of Headcanons
Finding comfort in the art of the people who want you dead
I used to think I was in love with Hermione Granger when, really, I just wanted to be like her.
This is a trend I’ve noticed as I’ve recontextualized my childhood through the lens of my transness. Almost every single girl I ever thought I had a crush on meant something far different to me than I’d ever realized.
Were I not very much attracted to women, this would be easier to sort through. I could simply proclaim them all as symptoms of good ol’ gender envy. Instead, I’ve had to learn to distinguish my past crushes on the basis of why I felt drawn to certain people.
Hermione, despite being much less real than many of my childhood crushes and/or sources of gender envy, meant a lot to me.
I would stare at the cheap poster of her that I had taped to my wall, wondering how I could ever be so graceful. I would carry around my LEGO Hermione minifigure like some kind of good luck charm, praying that her aura would somehow rub off on me.
I wanted her confidence. I wanted to read like her. I wanted her hair. I wanted her fashion sense. I wanted her…
