Member-only story
My Queerness Changes How I Express Myself. Is that a Harmful Stereotype?
Trans Expression Is about So Much More than Appearance
Bridging the gap between lived experience as both a woman and a man
I was never a good girlfriend — I mean, boyfriend. Not that I am a man, but more I was kinda, I guess…
My counselor offered a raised eye as I trailed off, then smiled. Up for discussion was my previous relationship, a topic that’s turned stickier as I’ve continued transitioning. Typically, when I look back, I attach the pointiest asterisk: while I am a trans woman, I was once a boyfriend.
The hard lesson I learned? There’s a trick to being a good boyfriend. First, the obvious: countless men could do with a crash course on healthy masculinity and empathy. Yet you should clear a qualifying hurdle before signing up at all: be a man.
By my twenties, I was a canvas splotched with gray paint.
Mediocre blandness lined up down my sights, every decision I made regarding self-expression was muted and dull. If I wasn’t invisible, I was distressed — an unfortunate fact I seemed unable to avoid.
