Tongue-in-Cheek Lessons from Gender Transitioning

Reflections from the Other Side.

Photo by Scott Graham on Unsplash

I am a transgender woman.

I completed my legal transition in August of 2021, and my medical transition in May of 2022. I am completely, physically, and legally, a woman. The old man is dead.

I originally wrote this as a Facebook post in 2021 while I was still recovering from my affirmation surgery. Well, Facebook popped it up as a memory from a day and I thought it was time to formally publish it.

Given that I consider 2022 the best year of my life, I think this holds more truth today than it did when I originally wrote it. It’s written from a tongue in cheek viewpoint. I hope you find some smiles or chuckles in this.

1. However we live is a package deal (or as Jenny Boylan says “Welcome to the sisterhood”), there is both good and bad!
2. Hot Flashes are real. The next time the male in your life tells you “It’s in your head,” don’t argue! Just give him the middle finger and deny sex until he repents.
3. We Deserve Respect. If the guy you’re dating can’t clean up and change into something other than his softball T-shirt and torn jeans, don’t waste your time with him. Call your girlfriends for an impromptu Girls Night Out.
4. Misogyny and sexism are a fact of life. We have to accept it! Doesn’t make it right. It just is.
5. Mansplaining is a real mental condition. Unfortunately, there are no therapists trained to treat it.
6. Dilation sucks. It Amazes me how many things I can come up with that
   need to be done before dilating.
7. The pink tax is real and women’s undergarments & lingerie cost a fortune. Clothing costs a fortune also.
8. Women’s clothing is far more comfortable than men’s clothing (It’s lighter & more fun)
9. Being sexy and attractive (within reason) is fun!
10. Mams are a pain! But it’s only temporary.
11. Two things never to expect immediately after Gender Affirmation Surgery; modesty & sleep!
12. Pelvic exams suck!
13. The peace of officially living as myself is indescribable!
14. Other drivers fear and clear the road for a blond woman driving a 3/4 ton diesel pickup truck.
15. There are still a few chivalrous males in the world.
16. We didn’t forget all the technical and mechanical skills we were taught. We can still do basic home and vehicle maintenance without help.
17. Corollary: Hormone Therapy does not make us dumb!
18. I was always a feminist. I was hiding it just like I was hiding I was a woman.
19. Upper body strength was lost and breast growth was lacking.
20. There was / will be a loss of relationships. Fortunately, the ones I really, really, cared about are still with me!
21. My medical and legal transitions might be complete. But my social transition will run the rest of my life!
22. Transitioning didn’t solve all my problems! (I never expected it to.) I expected it to allow me to live as myself giving me the capability to better handle my problems. That I got!!!
23. My transition was always mine. My team could coach me or share resources. But I had to do all the WORK, all the follow-ups, all the pushing. It was always all on me!
24. Urinary tract infections are miserable and a whole lot easier to get.
25. The colors and patterns in women’s clothing are so much more fun.
26. Transitioning is insane! It’s insanely slow, insanely complicated, insanely irritating, insanely time-consuming, insanely full of conflict and pain, and Insanely Expensive! (However from where I’m at now, I’d never not lived the insanity!)
27. Pockets are a luxury!
28. A dilator can be launched with a Kegel, a cough, or a sneeze. A sneeze launch will clear the end of the bed with the dilator landing on the floor.
29. A bra improves a golf swing.
30. Jeans fit way differently after Gender Affirmation Surgery. So do leggings.
31. We are generally the most loving, forgiving, and open-minded people in the world. Unfortunately, throughout our lives, we’ve been on the short end of multiple tons of shit. We have limits. When those limits are crossed we can be the meanest, most vengeful, most “I’m taking you down until you have nothing left” people on the planet. (Me included!) Maybe it’s wise for you to keep that in mind.
32. (Along that same thought:) I’ll never understand how we in the LGBTQ + community, and especially the trans community, can so easily turn on each other! (It seems we women are very fickle!)
33. Post-op trans women do know what a period feels like. We may have only have a few in our lives but it is uncomfortable, painful, and messy!