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Performative Empathy Has Harmed Me as a Neurodivergent Gay Man
People claim to care, but do they truly? I’ve lived the harm of shallow empathy firsthand.
When Empathy Is Just for Show
Empathy is often lauded as the foundation of human connection, but not all empathy is created equal. Performative empathy — when individuals or organizations feign concern to maintain social capital rather than effect real change — is a particularly insidious problem.
It presents as virtue signaling, diversity statements that lack action, or faith communities that preach inclusion while subtly upholding exclusionary norms.
I’ve experienced this firsthand — both as a neurodivergent gay man growing up ostracized from faith communities and as someone who returned to church decades later, only to be haunted by similar patterns.
This essay juxtaposes research with lived experience to expose the failures of performative empathy and explore the need for authentic connection.
The Problem in Real Terms
Performative empathy manifests in multiple ways:
- Social media activism that prioritizes visibility over impact.
- Workplace diversity…
