As a Liberal Gay Man, I Embrace the Wokeness of Empathy as a Strength
The Power of Building Bridges Over Division is Championing Empathy, Not Apathy
I consider myself empathetic, a characteristic shared by many liberals. To be empathetic is to respect the fundamental values of every person, even when we hold opposing views. I consciously try to listen and discern underlying emotions and feelings in words and actions. I confess it challenges me at times with those whose views are fundamentally opposed to mine.
Empathy has popped up frequently in my recent social media thanks to algorithms feeding me content aligning with my online viewing. This led to a deeper reflection on the meaning and value of empathy I am exploring in this essay. Empathy is understanding another’s experience from their perspective, even when you disagree with their viewpoint.
I grew up in a time when empathy was seen as a strength rather than a weakness. People were respected and rose to leadership positions that transcended politics, religion, race, and social and economic status to work together for the better.
Understanding others’ views and lives has led to a better society. Empathy played a leading role in civil rights, women’s rights, LGBTQ+ rights, and other human rights movements. These are a few of the causes that benefited from people seeing the world through the eyes of the unjustly treated. It led to legal protection and a greater acceptance of those who were underprivileged and discriminated against.
Over the years, some men have begun to mistakenly view empathy as a male weakness. This harmful perspective often targets gay and effeminate men — regardless of their actual sexual orientation — for not conforming to their narrow definition of a man. This belief is central to toxic masculinity, suggesting ‘real’ men should be emotionally detached and suppress empathy.
Toxic masculinity negatively stereotypes gay men. This prejudice incites aggressive homophobic actions that falsely equate male empathy with femininity and submissiveness. Homophobic men express hostility toward gay men as a way to manage their anxieties about their masculinity.
A troubling development in today’s society is redefining the traditional understanding of empathy. It seeks to transform it from a virtue to a detriment. A disturbing facet of this movement is redefining compassion and empathy with caveats about who is deemed worthy and under what circumstances.
In the ongoing culture wars, many conservatives fiercely challenge sexuality, transgender rights, immigration, education, religion, and basic human rights. They reject the traditional long-standing meaning of empathy. This tactic suggests that being apathetic rather than empathetic wins culture war conflicts.
The following quotes from prominent conservatives illustrate the perspective that empathy is a weakness of society that must be challenged.
The fundamental weakness of Western civilization is empathy, the empathy exploit. There it’s they’re exploiting a bug in Western civilization, which is the empathy response.
— Elon Musk’s thoughts on “civilizational suicidal empathy” in an interview with Joe Rogan
Musk views the world through a technological lens, perceiving empathy as a form of civilizational self-sabotage, akin to a software bug needing correction. However, he needs to reconsider this flawed analogy. Historical evidence and societal well-being demonstrate that empathy is not a defect but a fundamental strength, a feature in the software world.
There is a Christian concept that you love your family and then you love your neighbor, and then you love your community, and then you love your fellow citizens, and then after that, prioritize the rest of the world.
— V.P. J. D. Vance on X.
Vance is redefining the traditional Christian tenet of universal empathy for love and compassion beyond family and close relationships. His perspective contrasts with the broader understanding that empathy encompasses all people, not just one’s inner circle. This manipulation of scripture, driven by Christian nationalism, leads to a politically defined and limited form of empathy.
The Powers of the Empathetic Resistance
We must resist and counter these harmful efforts. Empathy persevered throughout history proving its significant role in society. It is a force that unites people from diverse backgrounds and viewpoints. Understanding and compassion are the foundation of strong relationships and collaboration at every level. Communication driven by empathy creates genuine understanding and agreement, powerfully illustrating its value over apathy.
Resistance is best advanced on many fronts. Too often, people choose to tune out rather than tune in in the face of relentless attacks on empathy. I challenge you to tune in. Explore how your empathy can push back against the growing effort to redefine and diminish its role in a just and compassionate society. Reflect on the following ideas, which can help you cultivate and share empathy’s powerful message.
Seize Your Power of Empathy
Look inward to give a voice to your empathic power. Evaluate and grow your ability to positively shape discussions. Urge others to think critically and see beyond extremist narratives to recognize discrimination and unjust actions. Seek perspectives beyond your familiar circles. Highlight your empathetic qualities through your words and actions. Promote positivity of empathy in your social media. This is the power to foster understanding even with those of opposing beliefs.
Resist Empathy-biased Division
The strategy of the challengers of empathy is to divide society into distinct blocs. They seek to convince people that other groups are responsible for this division. Their divisive tactics argue that there are weaknesses in empathy. You can identify these individuals by their discriminatory labels of those they fear and do not understand. They aim to isolate empathetic individuals from the larger group, weakening their influence and stifling their expression.
Be an Independent Empathetic Person
While there is power in numbers, do not underestimate the power of a single person. Resist complacency by assuming empathy is the norm in our society. Reject the notion that empathy is a misunderstood virtue. An empathetic person understands that progress requires open and honest discussion focused on what is right, just, and forward-moving, not regressive. Never lose sight of the influence your empathy has on guiding the world around you towards a better future. Cultivate your independent voice, one that boldly and openly speaks truth against injustice.
Embrace the strength of Being Calm.
Be strong yet find moments of peace and calm when you encounter challenges to empathy. Choose your battles wisely, stepping back to reflect if needed. Those who favor apathy over empathy rely on false claims, a futile approach. Their actions demand that we be strong by pausing, reflecting, and countering with thoughtful, factual, and empathetic words that have a lasting impact. Take comfort in knowing your words live on in their minds.
Challenge the Misconceptions of a ‘Real Man’.
Toxic masculinity has no place in a healthy society. It isn’t about the power of males but a discriminatory definition of masculinity projected onto other men. This damaging view of masculinity must be countered. An empathetic man sees the individual beyond labels, physical characteristics, and outdated notions of male identity. Normalize men showing respect and care for one another, challenging the false idea that these are feminine traits. Men must value and express empathy, and women, in turn, should recognize and celebrate empathetic men.
Women Must Challenge Women Who Idolize Toxic Men.
Although I cannot provide a female perspective, I can speak as a man who rejects limiting stereotypes of femininity when viewing women. Both men and women possess a diverse array of masculine and feminine traits. It is troubling that some women today, particularly within conservative circles, are defining ‘real men’ by characteristics associated with toxic masculinity.
Research shows women to be more empathetic. As a gay man, women have consistently been my allies and friends. This positive trait of feminine empathy is reflected in women’s growing place in politics, faith, and global leadership. Their empathy inspires others to view them as strong, capable, and respected leaders. Women must also challenge women among them who uphold toxic masculinity. They should not surrender their voices by uplifting men who see empathy as a weakness — a quality that is a source of strength.
Extend empathy to all in the queer community.
Let’s be honest — the queer community isn’t as empathetic as it strives to appear. Over the years, I’ve witnessed a troubling lack of compassion for others in the LGBTQ+ spectrum. In my younger days, this showed up as resistance from those who feared that including bisexual and transgender people would derail the progress of lesbian and gay rights. Thankfully, many in the community pushed back, and society evolved to advance the rights of all.
Sadly, I now see echoes of that same harmful mindset. Some believe we must compromise on ‘hot-button issues’ to achieve broader progress. This was wrong then, and it remains wrong now. As people whose identities and rights have been relentlessly challenged, we owe it to one another to stand in solidarity — especially with those currently under attack.
True empathy starts from within. We must dismantle these outdated, divisive arguments with compassion. Put yourself in the shoes of those represented by the other letters in the LGBTQ+ alphabet. Understand the unique struggles they face just to live without fear or constant judgment. Most importantly, engage with and uplift the people in your life who embody those identities.
Don’t abandon the fight for equality and justice for all. If you turn your back on them, the safety and acceptance you believe you’ve secured may crumble too. None of us are truly free until all of us are free.
