How to Have Better Conversations Using this Philosophical Principle

The Principle of Charity: a simple yet powerful approach to constructive conversations

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Imagine you are having a conversation with your friend, Andy. Andy is from the UK, and you are from Portugal. You tell Andy some things about your culture and the food you really miss. Andy says:

Yes, I’ve always loved Spanish culture. Last time I went to Lisbon and Porto, I made sure to do just the things you are talking about.

Now, something is wrong. Clearly Andy has been to Lisbon and Porto and knows what country you were talking about — but he said ‘Spanish’. There are two explanations:

1. Andy genuinely thinks that Spanish culture is the same as Portuguese culture, and he said exactly what he meant to say.
2. It was a slip of the tongue, an easy mistake. Actually he meant to say ‘Portuguese’.

If the first explanation is correct, then you feel compelled to kindly but firmly correct him. You need to let him know that he is making a cultural mistake and that he should definitely know better.

If the second explanation is the case, then you may cut Andy some slack. Spain and Portugal are so close to each other, that it’s not hard to see how…