Celebrating Inward

Learning to celebrate the loss of celebrations

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I saw my family for a socially-distanced barbecue yesterday. It was the first time I’ve seen them since February.

The barbecue had moments that I would guess many of us are navigating as we try to gain our footing. How do we stay safe and also maintain relationships? For my family, we decided a first step might be to gather outdoors in my mother’s backyard in a circle with an 8-foot circumference, our chairs clustered by who lives together these days — my husband, daughter and I; my brother and his girlfriend; my other brother and his fiancé; my aunt and cousins; my mom and my stepdad.

The setup was fine, but there were moments of pause. My mom asked if anyone wanted snacks and when we said sure, she brought out two big bowls of chips. My brothers and I exchanged sideways looks. “Do you have any scoops?” I asked. She looked flustered, like, why didn’t I think of this, and why do I have to?

As I imagined what implements I might get to make it possible for me to consume store-brand cheese puffs alongside the brothers, my mind flashed to my college days when I was a banquet server at a high-end Westchester hotel.

“Imagine you’re setting up a banquet for people you don’t know who don’t know each other,” I said, like maybe that would…