Creative Journey
Still Waiting, Still Dreaming
Trust the quiet between the signs
Before I begin…
I’m writing this as it pours out.
No plan, just emotion.
If you’re in a space like this too, I hope these words reach you.
We don’t always need to be brave right away.
We can let ourselves feel the chaos, the grief, the not-knowing.
Even when we believe it will work out in the end, we still need to give ourselves permission to be in the middle of it ; the swirl, the ache, the hope that’s just barely hanging on.
You’re not alone. And neither am I.
My mind is spinning.
A whirlwind of emotion and insanity.
I was sure I would hear back from the interview. It went off without a hitch. I felt confident, calm. I thought I’d be celebrating by now.
Yet here I am. Sitting. Waiting. Overthinking every moment.
I know I did well. I know I blew it out of the water.
What’s not to like about me?
Maybe it’s not the job.
Maybe it’s me finally realizing… my dream job doesn’t exist. Not here. Not yet.
The truth? I want too much.
I want a peaceful life.
I want to run my own business.
I want to make good money. Money that comes from my own gifts, not as a support role in my own story.
I want to help people chase their dreams.
I want to make art that pays.
I want an orchard.
I want to direct plays.
I want to write.
I want to paint murals; simple ones, just enough to bring life to bare walls. I want to make dull places feel alive again.
And I’ve told my husband I don’t have career ambitions.
But maybe that’s a lie.
Maybe I do.
Maybe I always have.
I don’t have a clear definition, no perfect job description.
But I know it’s out there.
And deep down, despite the silence, despite the waiting, I believe it will work out.
Even if I am completely clueless in the now.
