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Almost True Tales
Chewy the Raccoon Has Been Arrested
News from the war on drugs
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You may be familiar with this recent news story — just another day for a small town police force. They stopped a speeding car. Inside was a 55-year-old woman driving on a suspended license. They took her out for questioning.
When officers returned to the car, they found a raccoon sitting in the driver’s seat, happily sucking on a crack pipe. A thorough search revealed large quantities of meth, crack, and enough smoking equipment to outfit a head shop.
The raccoon’s name is Chewy — apparently the only legal thing in the vehicle, properly registered as a pet.
That’s the official story. It brightened my whole day. Sure, it’s sad the woman’s in trouble, but that’s one fat, contented raccoon in the driver’s seat. Authorities confirm he’s unharmed.
Being something of an investigative reporter, I dug deeper.
They’re not telling you the whole story.
Chewy’s been around the scene for years, always with different female companions. He plays the lost, helpless animal, worming his way into their affection and…
