Finding Solace in a Social Anxiety Group
Trying Meetup for First Time
They say coincidences do not exist.
The sun and moon are in love, so they lie on opposite sides of the sky and meet at dusk.
Yesterday, I asked on Reddit about free seminars and groups I could join without leaving my house. I wanted to socialize but also not be present with my shadow. On ordinary days, I am more like a surfer, surfing over the rows of content, grazing my eyes upon political rage and social dilemmas. Last night, I had to make that post. I was fed up with this anxiety creeping up in the dead of night and leaving me starved for connections.
My post went unnoticed for the majority of the day, so I did not get my hopes up, but then, there was a comment; somebody said I should try Meetup. A quick Google search told me that Meetup was an online platform for attending online global seminars and attending clubs and groups.
So I made an account, browsed through seminars and group meetings and found a social anxiety group for Indian people. Without hesitation, I joined.
Tonight, at 8 PM, it was time to attend the meeting. The thought of conversing with people and being vulnerable was daunting, but I did it anyway.
I had never felt safer in my life.
There were so many people with kind voices, voices as tired as mine. They spoke of their difficulties, their demons and their battles, and I felt at ease, listening. Finally, something popped inside me, like the cap of a bottle of coke after a good shaking, I spilled it all out...or at least some of it. It felt like I was pouring my soul to a group of strangers, stories of my defeat, my loss and shame. My walls suddenly grew eyes, and the video call did not seem as safe as it did a minute before. Until there were claps, and a man with a raspy but gentle voice said I was brave, brave for reaching out, brave for opening up. He fumbled while he spoke.
Everyone in the group was made of defects: him with his constant fumble, a girl who feared being insignificant, a man scared who’s scared of standing still, a boy who in anxious of the ever-changing future.
There are many more stories, and I am one of them. It feels empowering to be part of something.
At least tonight, I don’t feel anxious.
