PERSONAL ESSAY | RELATIONSHIPS | ABSENCE

Learning To Be Us Again

What happens when a Sailor comes back home

Mackinac Bridge at sunset over Lake Huron. Image courtesy of Scott Malcho Hull

When my boyfriend asked me to marry him, he warned me that his career was very hard on marriages, that most didn’t make it. I didn’t understand that warning then, but I do now.

My husband is a Sailor, a Chief Engineer on commercial vessels. Early in his career, he spent years on the Bering Sea, but currently he sails the Great Lakes. His work takes him away for long weeks. He texted that he’s coming home today, and he’ll be here soon. He says he can’t wait. He’s exhausted, and wants to escape to his real life for a while, and I so understand that.

I responded warmly, but I wasn’t as excited as you might think, as I know he’d want me to be. I’ve learned that homecoming means many things, different for each of us.

Soon, I think to myself, and it echoes around inside my brain. Now, just when I’ve finally adjusted to living apart, being alone — just me again; just when I’ve grown used to considering nobody’s wants or needs or desires except for my own. Cleaning up after no one else. Eat a snack — dinner for one.

I better get myself to the grocery and the liquor store.