Satire

I Defend Myself With My Big Syringe

I’m ready for the next mass jabbing

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I carry a syringe of pentobarbital with me wherever I go.

That’s the drug often used for euthanizing animals or putting prisoners to death. I carry a large syringe of it, enough to take down a horse.

It keeps me safe.

If I fear someone might harm me, I jab them.

Actually, I carry multiple syringes, just in case there are several bad guys I need to jab. One whole compartment of my purse is nothing but syringes.

I normally walk around openly carrying an uncapped syringe.

Don’t worry. I’m unlikely to jab you by accident.

I mean, it could happen, but I’m pretty careful. And what good is a syringe if it’s not uncapped and ready to go? If I were to have to dig around in my purse, find the syringe and remove the cap, I’d be unable to jab someone when I need to.

I’ve told my kids and grandkids not to jab anyone unless they are sure they mean to, so I’m not concerned about them fooling around and putting a friend to sleep by accident or anything like that.

Anyway, we all wear jab-proof clothing at all…