Member-only story
What I’ve Learned About Grief By Volunteering With The Hospice Bereavement Team
Part Five
The What Ifs And Whys
Everyone who has ever grieved or will one day grieve goes through the what-ifs: What if I didn’t do this? What if I did? Could she/he still be here with me if I only did/didn’t do that? Round and round our brains, triggered by shattered hearts, search in vain for any explanation why we find ourselves alone.
Then we somehow find a way to reverse this. What if he/she took better care of themselves? What if he/she didn’t get into the car that night? Why did he/she go to the store without me? Why couldn’t I have gotten to the hospital before he/she passed? Why did he/she have to get cancer? We start to find a way to blame them for our loneliness.
SOUND FAMILIAR?
The vast majority of the newly grieved that I call for Hospice share these questions with me, desperate for any answer that they can make sense of. But only one thing can provide answers: time. There are no magic potions one can take to alleviate grief. One can take antidepressants, but they only momentarily mask the pain, and ultimately, more often increase the length of time spent grieving.
