My Toolkit For Coping With Anxiety
...and how to create your own
For a while, my experiences with anxiety were sporadic enough that I didn’t put much thought into coping mechanisms. I’d manage. It would pass. Back to life as normal.
Eventually, anxiety episodes began to have a debilitating impact on my daily functioning. During these times, everything became unmanageable. Attending university lectures on zoom? Impossible. Leaving the house? Out of the question. Staying in the house? Also out of the question. Everything would come to a grinding halt.
Without initially realizing what I was doing, I gradually began to compile a personal anxiety manual to reference when I was in the thick of it. It doesn’t annihilate the feeling. It doesn’t make it all stop. However. It does ease the discomfort and I often experience relief sooner than I otherwise might.
My overall approach : continuous self-observation, motivated by curiosity, rather than judgement. I seek to understand myself and cultivate coping strategies, rather than place negative value judgements on what I observe.
Judgement is a one-way ticket to resentment, frustration, and self-hatred. It brings me from not-so-great, to even-worse-with-no-motivation-to-feel-better.
Curiosity, on the other hand, creates space for self-understanding and growth. When I’m struggling, I observe. I approach myself from the third person and ask : what are you feeling? Why are you feeling this way? What might help?
This, is the idea that pushed me from floundering to coping.
On that note, welcome to my toolkit.
Step one : identify the location
Anxiety can be cognitive in nature, physical, or at times, an alarming combination of both. When I notice anxiety, the first question I ask is : where do I feel it? Is it in my mind, my body, or both?
The cognitive : anxiety rooted in thoughts
Cognitive anxiety has three critical aspects.
I. Rumination
This plays out when we fixate on things that have happened in the past, which we appraise as negative.
Ex. “I wasn’t supportive when my best friend was suicidal”.
Rumination is unyielding tunnel vision. I fixate on one aspect of a situation and replay it over and over again until I’ve concluded that this one detail defines me as a person.
II. Negative self-talk
This is the aggressive, running dialogue in our heads that won’t stop screaming about how awful we are.
Ex. “You’re a lousy friend”.
These convictions translate to apprehension about what will happen as a result of these degrading traits I’ve labelled myself with.
III. Worry
Ex. “My friend might kill themselves one day because I’m not supportive enough”.
One thing leads to another, and all of a sudden I am confronted with the past, the potential future, AND my own self-diagnosed inadequacy.
I know anxiety is cognitive when my thoughts cycle between these states.
The physical : anxiety rooted in unpleasant physiological sensations
- Racing heart
- Tense muscles
- Rapid breathing
- Sweating
- Shaking
- Dry mouth
- Nausea
- etc.
Oftentimes, these symptoms will arise spontaneously, without being triggered by a thought.
The doozie : anxiety felt both mentally and physically
Anxiety typically involves both a cognitive and a physical component, but for me, one is usually stronger than the other. It’s important to determine the root. Was I overwhelmed by thoughts that triggered physical symptoms? Did I feel physical sensations that triggered thoughts? Which feels more out of control — my mind or my body?
Step two : assess the anxiety flavour
For me, anxiety can feel like incessant agitation —I’m on edge no matter what I do. There is an unrelenting urge to switch activities, move on to the next thing, go go go! During these times, anxiety is a prolonged inability to settle. (Physical anxiety)
Other times, anxiety manifests as a sudden surge of cold sweats. I’m pouring coffee at work one minute, the next, my vision blurs and my heart pounds as though I’m charging up a ninety-degree mountain at a dead sprint. Moments later, it subsides. (Physical anxiety)
Anxiety can also be a vicious mental-spiral. One thought surfaces in my mind and explodes, without warning, into an all-encompassing maze of conclusions, accusations, and assumptions. (Cognitive anxiety)
At its worst, I experience anxiety as a full-blown panic episode. Imagine your worst nightmare. A panic episode is that feeling of in-the-moment, instinctual terror. Not fear or worry or apprehension. Terror. Prolonged and inescapable because there is no visible threat in the environment that can be subdued, in order to shut off the fight or flight switch in my body. (Physical anxiety)
Get to know your anxiety flavours. Observe them. Develop the capacity to categorize them. Over time, they’ll become slightly less intimidating because they’ll be familiar to you.
Step three : notice and accept
This might seem like an exasperating endeavour (why would anyone strive to accept their current, deplorable state of mind?), but bear with me.
The first two steps in the toolkit allow me to assess where I’m at. I know what I feel. I know where it’s located. I’m familiar with it. Rather than escalating the situation, I make peace with it and focus instead on what to do next.
Step four : avoid anything that will intensify the feeling
When I’m anxious, I make an effort to be honest with myself about what I can and cannot handle. What will help and what will simply make things worse?
I avoid :
- Being in a crowd. (No shopping malls, grocery stores or big events, plz n’ thx.)
- Being around people who are also feeling anxious/expressing negative emotions. (**It’s okay to avoid triggering people when you’re in the middle of an anxiety episode.** It doesn’t mean they’re bad, it doesn’t mean you’re bad. You’re taking charge of your wellbeing—bravo!)
- Being around people who feel great. (This might seem contradictory, but sometimes bubbly people make me even more aware of how not-okay I feel.)
- Staying at home for long periods of time.
- Doing school work. (I can’t focus on academics when I feel anxious and trying to, merely intensifies the anxiety.)
Make a list of what you can and cannot handle during an anxiety episode. This might change, depending on the situation, but it’s helpful to keep a running list.
Note : don’t ridicule yourself for the desire to avoid certain people or situations. Maybe you steer clear of family members you love, maybe you dodge your best friend. It’s okay. During an anxiety episode, you are your caretaker. Focus on doing your job.
Step five : determine which sense to focus on
When I feel anxious, there’s t o o m u c h going on. I find it helpful to ground myself in one physical sensation at a time.
Do certain smells calm you down? When I’m anxious, I diffuse essential oils and light candles/incense.
Do certain sounds calm you down? Sometimes when I feel anxious I need silence. Other times I prefer zoning out on nature-sounds and yet others I flood my eardrums with aggressive and dangerously loud music. All depends.
Do certain textures calm you down? In the midst of anxiety episodes, I slip into baggy clothing, put on wool socks and wrap myself in a thick blanket.
Do certain tastes calm you down? Something about ice-cold water brings me down a notch or two.
Do certain colours/sights calm you down? I haven’t personally found that looking at something in particular calms me down, but maybe for you it’s trees or streetlights or the colour mustard yellow.
Make a list of how you can soothe yourself via engagement with your senses. Anxiety has a strong physical component. Focusing on one sense at a time can help to down-regulate the cacophony of sensations present during an anxiety episode.
Step six : determine what energy level you need
Low energy
When I experience panic episodes I prefer low-energy activities.
- Having a bath
- Napping
- Yoga
- Going out for a drive
High energy
When I feel sudden, short bursts of anxiety, I gravitate towards high-energy endeavours.
- In short, getting active. (Running, biking, skiing etc).
At times, I find it helpful to create a tangible and logical reason for the physical sensations I feel. If I go out for a run, it all of a sudden makes sense that my heart is racing and my muscles are tense.
Social energy
When I experience anxiety as vicious thought spirals, it can help to have company.
- Visiting someone *who makes me feel comfortable/safe*
Keep your anxiety flavours/locations in mind and pair them with an activity that matches the energy level you require.
You don’t need to stay within the same energy level throughout an anxiety episode. Continually ask yourself what you need.
Step seven : regularly remind yourself that this will pass and acknowledge your efforts:)
It may not feel like it in the moment, but anxiety will always, eventually, pass.
- Reference an anxiety tracker
I rate my anxiety on a scale from 0–10 every day, to generate a graph of how I feel over time. I reference this when I feel anxious, for visual proof that I’m not always in a state of high anxiety.
- Utilize a mantra
Mine is : “I’m here to take care of you”. This phrase serves as a reminder that regardless of how long the anxiety lasts, I’m committed to taking care of myself, as best as I can, throughout.
Choose a phrase that gives you an essential and comforting reminder. What do you need to hear when you’re in the throes of an anxiety episode?
Afterward
I find it helpful to reflect, once the anxiety episode has passed.
- Did something trigger it?
- What helped? What didn’t?
- Can I inform those around me, what they can do next time I feel this way? (Communicating and reaching out for help can be difficult during an anxiety episode. Talk with the people around you beforehand and let them know if there are any ways you would like to be supported).
My process of getting acquainted with and understanding anxiety took time, and this understanding doesn’t always last, either. Oftentimes I’m back at square one, trying to figure out what the h e c k is going on.
This coping manual is a never-ending process, as I expect yours will be, too.
I’m so proud of you for everything you have survived and everything you continue to navigate.
You’re. Doing. Great.
♡
