It’s Been Two Years

I feel like I should be “over it” by now

photo by Crew on Unsplash

I spent 5 years of my life, between ages 19 and 24 in an abusive relationship with a man a decade older than me who was a textbook narcissist.

The abuse was physical, verbal, mental, emotional, financial. I was constantly gaslit and the physical attacks were violent and brutal.

Abusive relationships never start off abusive. If they did, no one would stay in them.

When I first started dating my ex, I had just moved an hour and a half away from my family, all my friends, and everyone I knew. I had just started a new job where I knew no one. I had just left my first abusive relationship. I was young and naive.

I didn’t know then, but looking back now, it’s crystal clear that my ex saw all of that and saw someone easy to control, manipulate, and isolate.

I met him at work. In the past, I had always gone for “bad boys”. But he had a steady job, a car, a place to live. He was close to his mother and family. Everyone at our job seemed to love him. He was kind, caring, funny, helpful. He wasn’t conventionally attractive, but I thought I was finally giving “the nice guy” a chance.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.