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I Teach My Kids to Respond to What They Hear, Not What They Assume
Why hearing others heals old wounds and strengthens bonds
“Here’s the cardinal rule of the good listener: receive before you respond. [p97]”
― Hugh Mackay, m
Active listening is a skill that very few people have. When someone says something, respond with what you heard, not what you think. When people feel heard, it increases the bond. When people feel lectured, it decreases the bond.
Growing up, I rarely saw true listening in action. I learned more about reacting, or rather, about being quiet and not disturbing with my ideas. Most conversations around me were a volley of opinions, complaints, quick judgments, and advice given before the other person had even finished speaking. People in my culture were specialists in every topic. I learned early on that, in my world, being heard was rare. Rather, being “taught” or “corrected” was the norm.
With time, I learned that to speak was to invite an immediate response, not a thoughtful reflection. But that wasn’t me, I knew deeply that it was not the way, so I preferred to be quiet, not to express my thoughts to such an extent, that it looked like I didn’t have opinions. I was labeled shy and…
