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GUILT | FORGIVENESS
Forgiving Myself Is The Hardest Thing
A habit of overly tormenting myself
I’ve lived a large part of my life being periodically consumed by guilt.
Guilt is an unwelcome visitor who keeps knocking on my door whenever it sees me being content about life or vulnerable from an undesirable situation. It loves to disturb my state of peace or aggravate my negative feelings. This is a lifelong issue that I am constantly learning and relearning to deal with.
Ever since I was little, I have always been prone to feeling guilty about making people upset or sad, even when I was remotely the cause or might not even be the reason for such a sentiment.
I am so sensitive to people’s possible negative feelings that when a non-closest friend doesn’t answer my message within a day, I would think I had said something wrong. That, I know it’s a common feeling. However, mine haunts and unsettles me so much that I can’t function normally. My mind is completely consumed by it.
I can feel guilty about practically anything. Whenever things go wrong (outside of my household), I blame myself first. Then, I would apologize profusely, a sort of subconscious non-physical self-flagellation. This guilty feeling is not limited to humans. It goes for animals as well.
