Breaking Free: A Journey from Toxicity to Healing
How leaving a toxic relationship helped me reclaim my peace and build a new life.
“Then get out of my house,” he said.
“Gladly,” I answered.
That was it. Those words were the end of our relationship, bound by blood. I was angry, upset, and very scared. I didn’t know where I was going to go. I had no savings, a dog to take care of, and still had debt.
As I packed my bags, the first things I gathered were my dog’s essentials — her toys, clothes, collar, vet card, and food. The next challenge was figuring out how to pack my whole life into one suitcase. I had to leave behind books I’d collected over the years, some jackets, sentimental gifts, and shoes.
After I finished packing, he took me to his mother’s house and dropped me off.
I never spoke to him again. He would still visit his mother every two weeks or so, so I would lock my door and try to ignore what was happening outside.
But I couldn’t. I still felt anxious hearing his voice. I would panic and fear what he might do if he opened my door.
My boyfriend and I agreed that I needed to find a place as soon as possible since the so-called “family” was no longer there. During this time, my dog was staying with a foster care refugee because my grandmother didn’t allow her in her house.
After three months of therapy, personal battles, and endless tears, I finally found a safe place for my little family. I brought my dog back, cut ties completely with them, and began the difficult journey of healing from that toxic environment.
My boyfriend and I moved in together, now focusing on building a loving, safe home for our small family.
It’s been a tough journey, not only for me but for all of us. But one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned over this past year is this:
Family is not defined by blood. It’s the people who care for you, love you, and genuinely support you.
For the first few months, I concentrated on detoxing emotionally. I worked on letting go of the anxiety that haunted me whenever I heard the door creak or footsteps outside. In my new environment, I stopped feeling afraid and focused fully on my healing journey.
Moving Beyond a Toxic Relationship
Leaving any toxic relationship is one of the hardest things you can do. It takes time and courage to finally step aside and take ownership of your healing journey. It takes mostly time and patience to be able to walk through it. After leaving that house, I focused so much on getting better. I began listening to podcasts and began to read books that would help me do that.
It has been over a year since that happened. I can affirm that my current situation is way better than it was before. I never realized that I was surviving instead of thriving. If you are going through a similar situation, I want you to know that you are not alone and the most important thing is to get the courage to leave.
Create a Safe Space for Yourself
After you’ve left, make sure wherever you go is a place where now you feel physically and emotionally safe. Without it, it is impossible to heal if you stay in an environment that is constantly hurting you.
- Physically remove yourself from toxic environments: If you need to temporarily move to a friend's house, stay with a family member, or even temporary housing, focus on getting yourself out of there, where you cannot have any more harm and toxicity.
- Build your own space: Now that you are no longer there, create a space where you can get things out of your chest. Start decorating with the things that you like: candles, photos, books, anything that you like. If the space is shared, add a little touch to it to make a calm environment.
Having your safe space helps you change your mindset and perspective about yourself. You no longer have external voices telling you negative things. You no longer have an anxious environment, and you stop feeling like you are walking on eggshells. This new environment is a different one, and you fill it with new energy and positive mindset.
Seek Emotional Support
As mentioned before, you are not alone. And you shouldn’t go through it alone. As I had my support system, you can have one too. The right support system can make all the difference.
- Talk to someone: A friend, a family member, your partner, a therapist, or even a support group can listen to you and validate your feelings while providing a safe space to express yourself. Therapists help you navigate through what just happened and give you the tools to process your trauma. Support groups help you understand other personal experiences and learn the resources that you have at hand. Friends are your shoulder you can cry on.
Set Boundaries with Toxic People
They hurt you. And if you don't stand up for yourself, they are going to do it again. You might be tempted to fix the relationship and act like nothing happened. But you cannot let them do that to yourself. They might act as the victim, probably saying things like “Oh so now are you going to leave me?” “I am sorry, but you deserved it” “Look what you made me do” and things like that.
Stop
Believing
Them
- No contact (if possible): After I left, I blocked the numbers of everyone involved in that toxic environment. I blocked them on social media and email. I even changed my phone number and shared it only with my most trusting people. I did everything I possibly could to protect my new space and maintain a firm distance.
- Minimal contact: However, in some situations, blocking them might not be possible especially if you share custody of children. However, establish communication channels, and how and when are you going to communicate. Remember to keep conversations brief, neutral, and ONLY about necessary topics.
It is ok to say no to people or situations that make you uncomfortable. Keep in mind that you are not a tree, so you can leave whenever you want. Respect your boundaries and honor them. Do not fall into the temptation to check in and wonder how are they doing. Do not wonder and ask for closure. The behavior that they had towards you is the closure that you need.
Focus on Self-Care and Daily Routines
Before leaving, I never noticed that I was a disorganized person. My whole room would be in a total mess and I would not care at all. There is a saying that goes “A messy room can be a reflection of a disorganized mind” and that is true. My whole life revolved around disorder, procrastination, and feeling overwhelmed.
After I left, I had a radical change. Now I love having an organized and clean house. I think more clearly and feel more productive. I became obsessed with self-development and self-care.
- Develop a morning and evening routine: Start and end your day with daily habits that make you feel comfortable. You have a new opportunity to build a new life from your small daily habits.
- Self-care: Make yourself a healthy breakfast, go to the gym, walk your dog, listen to music, explore new hobbies, do something you loved as a kid, and sleep well. these things can improve your mood instantly and make you feel secure.
Journal Your Emotions and Progress
I know writing can be difficult and it can take time to start writing about it. But it is a powerful tool in your healing process because it helps you process complex emotions and mostly, you can track your progress.
Start small. Write whatever you feel comfortable with. Be kind to yourself if certain topics feel too overwhelming. Processing emotions takes time. If you don’t feel comfortable writing, try recording yourself.
By starting a journal or diary, you see progress, that way you can explore and unpack painful memories from your past. One year from now, you’ll notice how far you have come when you read back those texts from your old self.
Your Healing Journey is Yours to Own
Healing is a process, not a destination. It takes time, patience, and daily commitment to reclaim your peace after leaving a toxic situation. From experience, I know it doesn't take a month or two to be fully recovered. It can take years or even your whole life. Surround yourself with love, create a safe environment, and take small, actionable steps toward recovery.
Most importantly, remember that your family isn’t just defined by blood — it’s the people who genuinely care for you, love you, and support your growth. And thank yourself for getting out of that harmful situation. Now you have a new opportunity to build the life that you want. This might be one of your definition of success. You have progressed and have not fallen behind.
