Almost 40, Still Single, Puzzled

Now what?

Author’s photo — Exploring while Almost 40, Still Single, Lost at a Massive Crossroads

I’m almost 40. Well, that’s not entirely true — I’m almost 38. But I keep saying I’m almost 40 because, well, that’s kind of true too.

Lately, I’ve been feeling puzzled and a bit lost. It feels like I’m standing in front of a massive crossroads, not knowing which way to go, and fearing that I may never find my way back if I don’t choose the right path now.

I used to have my life together. A place of my own in an expensive city. A well-paid (but boring) job with terrible, openly racist management and coworkers.
I was going out. I was traveling. I was dating. I was living.

But then, I wanted more. I resigned. I started making plans, small changes here and there, little shifts in my life — and suddenly the pandemic happened, punching me and my plans down, plain and simple.

At first, moving back in with my parents was hard. I’m sure it was just as hard for them as it was for me. After all, I had been living on my own since I was 20. I had lived alone in Paris, in London, in Barcelona. I had never felt lonely before.

But that experience made me realize…

I was done being alone.

I loved being around my people (and my cats. I’m a proud cat lady) — people I love…