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Journal Kita

A vessel for Indonesian writers to share their stories.

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You Don’t Have To Love Me Back: A Reflection

I woke up with that familiar weight in my chest — and I finally realized what it was trying to teach me.

4 min readApr 12, 2025

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I woke up with that strange feeling in my chest again. It felt full and heavy yet somehow airless and empty at the same time. Breathing had never felt this difficult — like invisible hands were choking me, trying to stop me from taking another breath.

My shirt was damp. I had been sweating a lot. That usually means one thing: it’s already midday. I didn’t even need to check the time — I just knew. My days have been like this for a while now.

After a short pause, I reached for my phone. I didn’t even have to move much — it was lying close to my head. I know it’s not ideal to sleep with a phone nearby, especially when it’s still active, but at that moment, I honestly didn’t care.

With two taps on the screen, the brightness of the lock screen lit up the room — the only light source in my dark space, apart from the faint sunlight seeping through the curtain.

11:47.

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My eyes drifted slightly downward to the notification bar. I was hoping to see a symbol there. One I’d been quietly wishing for. But it…

Journal Kita
Journal Kita

Published in Journal Kita

A vessel for Indonesian writers to share their stories.

Farrel Sajid
Farrel Sajid

Written by Farrel Sajid

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