Polyamory and Neurodivergence: A Match Made in Heaven and Hell

But as an autistic ADHDer, the upsides of nonmonogamy outweigh the downsides

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If you’d told me four years ago that I would be part of heading up a new polyamory community WhatsApp group in my area, I would have looked horrified and then laughed in disbelief. At the time, I was living in an intentional community of eighteen people, including my long-term, then monogamous partner. When it was announced that a woman who was well-known for being polyamorous would be joining the community, I squirmed.

“I’m afraid if someone polyamorous moves into the community, it’ll catch on,” I told the circle of community members. I was terrified that my partner, who had from time to time expressed a wish to explore loving connection with other women, would be turned towards this lifestyle that felt extremely threatening. I had always considered myself to be a jealous, possessive person in romantic relationships and the idea of sharing my beloved partner was abhorrent to me.

Fast forward to three and a half years ago when we had broken up (nothing to do with the infectious polyamorous community member) and I met a polyamorous man at a tiny festival. I racked up a huge bill buying cacao because he was working on the cacao bar, and we soon connected. It…