Member-only story
If I’m Autistic, Why Don’t I Have Meltdowns and Shutdowns?
And other questions as I reclaim my anger and heal from trauma as an AuDHDer
These days, I shock people more often. As I gradually heal from the trauma that drove me to hide my neurodivergent self, my masks fall and I’m more outspoken and blunt. Just like when I was a young child, before I learned that the way I was wasn’t OK, I ask the questions and make the observations that others would perhaps think, but never say out loud.
My sensory sensitivities are also sharper and more pervasive. What I could tolerate two years ago has become unthinkable now, bringing grief at the inability to access life experiences that used to be commonplace for me.
Concerts with standing room only; parties that start at 10 pm; spending longer than three hours with a friend; continuing to sit in the garden without having to fetch noise cancelling earbuds when the neighbour starts mowing his lawn — all of these things are off the cards now.
This has become my norm since I began my neurodivergent discovery journey as an AuDHDer (autistic ADHDer) three years ago. But along with the losses comes greater access to lost parts of my expression. Like my anger, my joy, and everything in between.
