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Autism Stories
Autistic Dis-Connect Hurts
Why do I struggle to connect with other people?
It’s been on my mind for a long time, this cosmos of connections among people. Acquaintances, friendships, flings, partnerships, lovers, marriage, family, and all the others. I see what appears to be close and meaningful connections between people on the street, in entertainment, at restaurants, at the beach. Of course, there are conflicts, but the cultural value seems to be that humans need relationships with others, should have many good relationships, and generally do have them.
I would like to write that I am one of those happy ones, the connected ones, bonded and linked in multiple meaningful relationships. I cannot. No, this will be less about connections and more about my dis-connection.
The details would not be helpful here. The short version: as long as my memory recalls, I have had few, often no, deep, lasting, meaningful connections with anyone. I felt like I lived in a glass room looking out into a world of noisy conversations, touch, paired people in intimate discussion, packs of humans traveling together as one creature. I observe. I cannot join.
And yet, I seek connection with each step I walk, each gaze into crowds, each meeting, each thing I write. When I am placed in the path…
