Member-only story
Abandonment, Selfishness and Jealousy.
I sit here, and our song is playing — Spit of You by Sam Fender.
I am sitting on the same stool, in the same location as when he told me he loved me. Yet, I sit here alone. The anger and seething feelings are bubbling under the surface of my skin. I am holding them at bay with a strong rum and coke. I sit and wait; I crave your attention and love.
It is not like you are off with another woman or out drinking with your mates. You are in the hospital at the bedside of your father.
Having lost my mother 24 months ago, I want to speak to her two to three times per day at least — and we were not close. My partner and his father are two peas in a pod. He lost his mother four years ago. I cannot imagine losing both family members, probably because a single mum raised me. Whilst I knew who and where my father was, he chose the easier life, the one without my bitter mother, which meant a life without me. So, when I lost my mum, I lost my last relative.
I feel cheated as six weeks ago, I was in intensive care and about to be put into an induced coma and onto a ventilator. No one came to see me. My partner never took a day off work, just a couple of hours around 9–5 here and there. This week, he has had two days off at the drop of a hat for his father.
