Staying in a Hard Relationship is a Valid Choice

Not all love is the easy kind.

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We all want love that feels effortless. The kind of love that flows back and forth between two people smoothly and naturally. The kind of love where we don’t experience despair, anxiety, self-doubt, or uncertainty about our partner’s feelings. That kind of love absolutely exists and it’s a gift when we find it.

But not every love story unfolds that way. Some relationships are hard to establish, or hard to maintain, or hard to end — some are all of the above. They may even be hard to categorize. Fighting for them may be exhausting at times, and we may find ourselves wondering if we’re wrong for trying.

I don’t think we are.

Loving someone often feels mystical and beyond our control, but staying in a relationship is a conscious choice we make for many emotional, psychological, and practical reasons that are unique to us. If the relationship is hard and we choose to stay anyway, that decision is valid. Even if others don’t understand it. Even if we don’t always understand it ourselves.

I have watched many people I care about pour time and energy into relationships where the challenges seemed to outnumber the benefits. I have thought to myself — and in a few cases said to them — that a relationship that requires…