He Almost Hit Me — Then Blamed Me
What one sidewalk confrontation taught me about projection, blame, and fragile egos.
One recent afternoon, a man on a bike sped past me on the sidewalk — way too close for comfort. I had to step aside to avoid being clipped. He jumped off his bike and said, “I’m sorry,” and for a split second, it felt like a sincere apology.
But then, without missing a beat, he snapped, “Why don’t you get the f** off your phone?”*
The shift was jarring.
What began as an acknowledgment of his mistake instantly morphed into blame — thrown squarely at me.
This moment was a textbook example of how narcissistic people dodge responsibility. His rude, out-of-nowhere comment wasn’t really about me — it was about protecting himself from the discomfort of being wrong.
Rather than own his carelessness, he flipped the script. That’s the essence of projection — a classic narcissistic defense mechanism. Instead of sitting with guilt or taking accountability, they offload those feelings onto someone else. It’s not their fault — they make it yours.
In relationships, this behavior becomes even more manipulative. When confronted with their actions, narcissists often twist the narrative: suddenly you’re the problem, not them. This strategy lets them sidestep introspection and maintain a sense of superiority.
Their internal story is always the same: I’m right. I’m the victim. I’m justified. Even when reality clearly says otherwise. It’s a warped way of shielding the ego from any crack of vulnerability.
I wasn’t doing anything that warranted such harsh words. But looking back, it became clear that his response wasn’t about me at all. It was about him.
Chances are, he was feeling a flicker of guilt or embarrassment — riding too fast, too close, and not paying enough attention. But instead of sitting with that discomfort, he tossed it onto me.
Blaming me for being “on my phone” was easier than facing the fact that he was the one in the wrong — breaking the law by biking on the sidewalk and nearly causing an accident.
Rather than own his mistake, he needed to rewrite the story — one where he wasn’t careless, but I was distracted. Where he wasn’t at fault, but I was the problem.
If you’ve ever dealt with a narcissistic person, you know how exhausting it can be. The more you try to explain your side, the more defensive — or downright hostile — they become. That’s because people who rely on deflection and projection aren’t interested in understanding. They’re interested in control.
Narcissistic projection is a defense mechanism. It protects a fragile ego by pushing uncomfortable emotions — like guilt, shame, or inadequacy — onto someone else. In the case of the cyclist, blaming me for being “on my phone” was easier than facing his own carelessness. It’s a mental sleight of hand: I’m not reckless — you’re just distracted.
Whether it’s a stranger on a sidewalk or someone you’re close to, this behavior stems from the same place: a deep discomfort with vulnerability and accountability.
The key is not to internalize it.
Their accusations reflect their insecurities — not your reality. Recognizing this pattern, and refusing to carry blame that isn’t yours, is essential for protecting your peace.
You don’t have to bear the weight of someone else’s unresolved shame. Once you see the projection for what it is, you can set it down — and walk away lighter.
