“Am I a Narcissist Too?”

Most victims of narcissistic abuse secretly fear they may be a narcissist as well. The answer is complicated — but that’s a good thing.

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After leaving a relationship with a narcissistic partner, I developed a deep anxiety that I, too, might be a narcissist.

Suddenly I was sifting through my personality, ashamed at how much I cared about what other people thought of me. I was worried that my ways of relating to friends might be manipulative — was I trying to “get them to like me?”

I became scared of how much I enjoyed positive attention from my boss or family members. I was suddenly anxious about the fact that rejection did genuinely hurt me (something that’s been correlated with narcissism).

In other words, I started wondering: Am I a narcissist too?

If you’ve also felt this way, you are not alone: this is a process that almost all victims of narcissistic abuse go through.

Why? There are three reasons, the last of which is both the strangest and the most comforting.

1. Because you’re habituated by narcissistic abuse to perceive yourself as the problem