I’m A Self-made Man And This Is My Dating Profile

I’m neither God nor AI.

Photo by on

People often ask me the secret of my success and I tell them it’s simple, then I pause for dramatic effect, before I say, “I am a self made man.”

Ladies, if you’re looking for an average man with a blurry picture from ten years ago holding a fish he rented for the picture, who am I to stop you? But if you’re looking for a man who posted a self-portrait on the dating app he designed himself, even though Fiverr exists, you have come to the right place.

My hobbies include making new hobbies from scratch. I farm them, I give birth to them, I hatch them. My hobbies are my babies. Some of my hobbies like walking my dog are in school and others like stamp-collecting have graduated.

I made the house I live in. I made the car I drive. I made the roads I walk on. The coal was easy after I perfected the science of proper rock formation for millions of years.

I make my own destiny and my own clothes. Tell me you don’t want to hit that and I’ll show you a liar.

I make my own words. My language is patent-pending.

Unlike others on this app I gave birth to myself. I went back in time and had intercourse with me.