Humor

I Didn’t Mean To Smash Your Shiny Vase

Now give me the treat, please

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You hoomans don’t get it. We are afraid of the things that pop up. That square thing that pops up from the toaster, you call it bread, isn’t it?

I know you asked me not to sit on that countertop. I love it, though. I love it even more when you get irritated, so I disobey you.

I sit on the countertop, sleep on it — I do everything that might disgust you.

You are a weak human- all I need to do is blink slowly, tuck the tail on your legs, and say “meow” and bang! We are good for a treat and some snuggles.

That’s a lot of effort, though. I would rather use this when I mean business.

For the rest of the time, you better stay away from me. I don’t care about you.

Did you plant that popping thing on the countertop to scare me?

Hmm..I smell an organized crime.

I sprang up the countertop, defying you, and Boom! The bread popped up from the toaster.

I had to do my self-defense, I mean.

I jumped up over the toaster to your nice shiny flower vase. Before I knew it, it fell straight to the floor.

Ouch! It broke into several pieces. That was not my fault.

Now, don’t look at me like that, and don’t scream at me.

I am starving, and I am acting cute to say that I am sorry if that’s what you want to hear.

Now, enough of the lovey-dovey, give me my treat.

Please, wouldn’t you?