Member-only story
A Tradwife’s Recipe for Dino Nuggets
Made from scratch because I’m better than you
A few days ago, my four-year-old son, Anthonidencus, came to me asking for Dino nuggets. I don’t know where he got an idea like that. I don’t allow my children to watch TV, go on the internet, or leave the house. I blame his cousin, my feminist sister’s kid, who visited last week and pumped my precious baby’s head full of ideas about “junk food” and “having a real childhood.”
Of course, I won’t allow Anthonidencus or any of my special little accessorie — I mean children — to eat junk food, but he wouldn’t leave me alone! So I, because I know how to make anything from scratch, got to work coming up with this recipe. I’m sharing it with other mothers in hopes that you also care enough about your children to make them from scratch food despite working 40 hours and having no servants. Peasants.
For this recipe, you’ll need a few basic ingredients — gluten-free, grain-free, nut-free, toxin-free, hand-milled flour; raw milk directly from your cows; butter for frying — don’t you dare use seed oils if you don’t want your kids to die at 30— hand churned of course.
You’ll also need some specialized equipment, including a time machine. I’m lucky to have access to one because my billionaire father-in-law often travels back to Victorian London…
