Humor | Satire

Parents of Disney Princesses Justify Their Parenting Styles

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Co-written by Alexis Tai

With so many conflicting , it’s helpful to know a Disney Princess flourished with each one.

Sleeping Beauty: Abstinence first! If pricking her finger on a spindle will lead to our baby daughter’s demise, then protecting her is surely as simple as burning all the spinning wheels in the kingdom and hiding her in the forest where her fairy godmothers can raise her. Some might argue education, not abstinence, is the best way to keep your kids safe.

We just assumed if we told our kid about spindles and how to safely engage with them, she would want to touch them and prick her finger even more.

Frozen: After getting into another fight about who should get the kids in the unfortunate event we both died, we decided to write our children’s imaginary snowman playmate into the will. We were both in great health. Of course, we never thought orphaning our kids was a realistic possibility when we set off sailing in the arctic seas by ourselves on a huge ship usually manned by twenty sailors.

Does it make us snowplow parents to plow our icy daughter into her room indefinitely? We were going for free-range.