“There’s Not One Man I’ve Ever Felt Safe With”

I was struck by her words but not surprised

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I was at the yoga studio getting ready for class. I tend to get there early. I don’t like feeling rushed or scattered when I’m going to lead a class. I arrive with plenty of time to settle in, set up, and center myself. Or, as was the case this day, chat with my fellow yoga teachers.

Nadia was running the front desk but the studio was in the lull between classes so, for the moment, it was just us. Nadia and I were both yogis, poets, and witches — we always had something to talk about. Today we were discussing what it’s like to move through this world in a body that presents as female.

“There’s not one man I’ve ever felt safe with,” she said.

I was struck by her words but not surprised. My first instinct was to immediately say, “Me too.” But that didn’t feel right.

I paused for a moment, turning my attention inward, and was shocked to discover I could no longer say the same. I knew what she meant. I knew what it was to not feel safe around men — not even those I was related to or the one I was once married to (especially, not him).

I had long ago given up on feeling safe with someone male. Even my childhood best friend, Tony, who was the closest I’d ever come — I knew…