I Don’t Want What He Has — I Want What I Need

Because equality is cute, but equity comes with peace of mind and proper shoes

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For a long time, I thought I was chasing equality. Let women do what men do. Match their energy. Speak in their tone. Lift what they lift. Work how they work.

But somewhere between trying to compete on the badminton court and trying not to cry in meetings, I realised — I don’t want what he has. I want what I need. Because I’m not a man. And frankly, I’ve stopped wanting to be treated like one.

What I need isn’t sameness. What I need is equity.

When I tried to compete with Wi-Fi on mobile data

Every time my husband and I play badminton, I compete like I’m trying to prove a point — to him, to myself, to the patriarchy. I push to match his stamina. But here’s the truth: he’s cruising on stable Wi-Fi while I’m out here on glitchy mobile data, trying not to drop the connection.

Yes, my skills have improved. Yes, I’ve gotten better. But I also have this monthly hormonal carnival that turns my energy into a wild lottery. Some days, I’m on fire. Some days, I’m the smoke. His energy? Consistent. Mine? A moody rollercoaster with no safety harness.