TRUE STORY

I Almost Regretted Ever Being a Mother and a Wife

The hidden scars behind motherhood

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I named my baby Mad. Can you not judge me yet? And hear me out? The nurse asked me to name her according to how I felt; at that moment, “mad” was my strongest emotion because I could not understand myself anymore.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter. She’s the most beautiful thing that’s ever happened to me. With eyes like clear crystals and tiny fingers that curl around me like Ivy, she’s pure magic. Her feet wobble with wonder, her face is the definition of sweetness. I feel fulfilled knowing that I had the strength to carry such a delicate wonder in my womb.

Before her arrival, I already had her crib softly prepared and filled with baby things and all the comforts the world could offer a newborn. But after her birth, a storm rolled in. One I didn’t see coming. A whirlwind of emotions swallowed me whole, leaving me breathless and drowning in my new role as “mother.”

Day by day, I began to notice changes. My excitement levels dropped. My daughter’s cries — sharp and relentless — clawed at my ears. I became tired. Tired of being needed every second. Tired of being on even when all I wanted was to close my eyes and…