The Little Ways We’re Sexist (And Why They Matter So Much)

So much of the work we do to ensure our place in society is basically attempts at avoiding shame.

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For the straight guys out there, I’m wondering if you’ve ever been in a situation where the woman you were with didn’t want you to do the expected masculine thing, and how you managed that.

I’m not talking about big-time self-sacrifice, women-and-children-first type deal. But have you ever been in a situation where she opted to
carry a heavy package?
hold the cab door open for you?
link your arm in hers instead of the other way around?

Think back to a time like that (if it hasn’t happened, just imagine what that would be like): What thoughts came up? What did you imagine other people would say?

Or maybe other people did say.

Were you wondering whether they were judging you? Maybe they were thinking,

What kind of guy lets his girlfriend carry that? He must be some kind of a wimp. If he really loved her he’d be holding it for her. Jerk. Loser. She’d be better off with me, a real man. In fact, maybe I’ll offer to carry that for her just to see…