A Personal Lesson on Victim Blaming

How to speak to victims of sexual abuse.

Photo by on

“Why me, then?” I ask. “Why not Branley? She’s way hotter and was just as drunk as I was.”
… “It happened to be you, but it could’ve been anyone else.”

— Mindy McGinnis, The Female of the Species

It’s been over two years since I was sexually assaulted, and though I’ve recovered a lot through therapy and support, I still suffer from self-blame. Though I can say what happened was not my fault, I still get pervasive thoughts such as, “If I hadn’t been stupid, it wouldn’t have happened.” It’s not often, but it’s still a touchy subject for me.

There’s a reason that the first line on the page on the RAINN website says, “Sexual assault can take many different forms, but one thing remains the same: it’s never the victim’s fault.” Self-blame and victim blaming are among the most common responses to sexual assault and rape, but these responses are harmful.

Going to group therapy was probably the best decision I made for myself, but it took me over a year to do it. There was too much shame I wasn’t ready to face and I thought that I could just push it away and ignore it, because it was too hard to face.

One of the number one reasons that victim blaming is so harmful is because…