Member-only story
Black Doctor Funny?
For Halloween, I’m Going as a DEI Hire
Emmett’s revenge
The Plan
When I step outside to take my kids trick or treating, I will begin my annual evil master plan of stealing their candy. Unfortunately, I may — I mean, my kids Harper and Harlow may — receive less candy than usual. And when they see their candy buckets only half full, they may look up at me with sadness.
They might even cry.
Harper and Harlow may ask, “Daddy, why? Why are we not getting as much candy as usual?”
And I will look them dead in their tear-soaked faces and reply, “Because my DEI hire costume is scarier than a black woman sitting in the Oval Office. Now let’s go to Target and get this post-Halloween candy that’s on sale. Maybe I can scare more of them there, too.”
When the “they” are frightened, they yell, “FUCK, SHIT,” right?
I don’t know. That’s unfair. I’m sure they yell a variety of phrases, including different iterations of fuck and shit.
But more than just being a mortal, drenched in DEI attire, I want to immortally haunt. Is that too much to ask for this Halloween?
Are ghosts hiring? Ghosts have some sort of DEI quota to fill, right? Apart from Candyman, when’s…
