Music | Artistic Partnerships
Singing Evenings
What we lose without them
I was fourteen, sitting in a cabin with a rubber bubble cap over my hair, which I was attempting to dry. I was extremely bored — so I decided to start singing. At the time, I was a loyal fan of Joan Baez — so I began with one of the songs on one of her albums.
Within a few minutes, two young men I had secret crushes on appeared at the door. We’d all been signed up for a summer program by our parents, and this was happening on one of the group’s five-day outings. The fact that I was wearing a dryer cap embarrassed me beyond words, so I stopped singing immediately.
But the guys — who also happened to be twins — were having none of that. “Was that you?” one asked. I yanked off the cap and replied. “Yeah.”
“Would you sing with us some time?” they asked, letting me know both of them played guitar.
I agreed, and that night, our singing evenings began. While there was no romantic involvement, as both guys were in relationships with two of my friends — I think, looking back on it, I found something better.
Why do I say that? Few things are as amazing as being able to sing for people who like or even love your voice and music. Once it was dark and dinner was over, I joined the twins around a fire and sang whatever I felt like singing. Lucky for me, we knew a lot of the same songs. And almost every night that we were together musically that summer, we were joined by a growing audience of friends.
I could tell by people’s faces as they listened to our songs that we were taking them to a place they wanted to be. This experience first made me think of joining a band, and years later, after college and working at a Renaissance Faire in upstate New York, I sang with a folk-rock band called Flamewood. Around this time I started writing as well as singing songs.
Since then, I have had countless musical evenings, both for paying gigs and evenings with friends. I have performed in bars, musicals, cabarets and even store settings. I’ve always found something to love about performing, but my favorite singing evenings are almost always with friends.
One of the things I love most about singing with people I know well — especially when there’s more than one singer and we can all take turns — is that it brings home what I always believed: you can be gorgeous, you can have beautiful clothes and a perfect body. But talent in any and all of its many forms can transcend physical appearance and open doors to lasting beauty.
One of the characters in my first Beat book series The Beat on Ruby’s Street is Ruby’s mother Nell. She tells her daughter, “Pretty fades, but cool is forever.” My own definition of cool means something that is uniquely a part of you — a talent, ideas, a way of speaking — that is internal and not tied to external circumstance. That’s why I gave the Nell character the words she shared with her daughter — and by extension, with you.
The other, more important reason I love singing evenings is they give you a chance to be with friends in ways you cannot find on social media, or at any gathering without music. Whether you agree or disagree about politics or wherever you are in life or whatever your struggles may be, music can give you a way to get past them.
When my band broke up, I switched my attention to theater. That was great, but I was in mourning for at least a year after having to leave the band. It had morphed from folk-rock to a semi punk-rock band, and we had great fun touring colleges and playing venues like CBGB’s in the East Village.
It’s been years since I sat around a piano, or stood in front of a band singing to an audience. I sometimes wonder how I could possibly have gone this long; the only thing close is attending rehearsals as a playwright with a cast. There is similar camaraderie, but I miss being part of the group as a singer.
In thinking back to those early evenings when I was fourteen, I still remember the twin guitarists’ faces, reflecting the firelight. Without their interest and encouragement, I might never have become who I am.
If you are reading this and you like to play music or sing, I want to encourage you strongly to find ways of doing it. I was lucky to have found other musicians and singers without looking for them; though in retrospect, I believe the universe has a way of bringing certain artists together. There are other ways to find groups or bands or even just one other musician — because all you need is one — who works well with you.
You can start by looking for auditions with already-established groups. You can also visit venues or bars or coffee bars where musicians are performing. If you find someone you like who might benefit from another voice or instrument, don’t go home! Talk to them instead. You can also post a video of yourself while performing, and see if someone contacts you.
Or, you can start singing in the middle of nowhere and see what happens, like I did. But of course, there’s no guarantee that’ll do much of anything to help you find other artists with the same vision you have.
What should you look for in a musical partner? Someone who has the same taste and feel for music as you do. Someone who shares your passion and even more important, who is willing to work on songs and try to make them better. When I see duos or bands performing, I can tell when they were meant to play together.
Who am I thinking of as I write this today? comes to mind immediately. They sound as though they have been playing together for centuries, whether they have or not. If I remember correctly, they found each other because one of the singers was performing somewhere, and the other singer’s instincts told her he was exactly what she was looking for in a musical partnership. (At least, that’s the story I believe I heard online).
What if you’re the type of person who loves to sing or play, without performing publicly? What’s to stop you, I say? There may be a group of people in your apartment building or even your workplace who want to do the same thing. You could possibly join them tonight, and, guess what? You won’t even need to come up with things to say if your evening is dedicated to music.
Because singing evenings can give you something nothing else can. You just have to try one to find out.
