Networking Sucks. Or Does It?
When I started my career, nothing soured my outlook on work more than networking. But I don’t see it that way anymore. Here’s why.
When I was starting my career, nothing soured my outlook on work more than the idea of networking.
Doesn’t it feel a little weird? Even the word. After all, it’s a noun by birth. Someone decided to make it a verb just for this purpose. Or so I speculate.
There’s nothing wrong with building a network, but what always rubbed me the wrong way was the old adage, “network to get work.”
If you’re like me, you interpret it this way: “I need to establish relationships with people so that I can ask them for something.”
I don’t like the way that feels. I don’t like it at all.
It makes me feel like I should look for opportunities to gain something from the people I meet.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t like to live my life that way. It makes me feel inauthentic. A quid-pro-quo dynamic with people I meet — especially if I end up really liking those people — may be useful from time to time, but feels unfulfilling in the long term.
I tend a bit toward cynicism, I’ll admit. It can be a healthy way to fend off schemers out to make a quick buck, resist blind institutional trust, and think critically about offers that seem too good to be true.
But in the case of networking, my cynicism has probably driven me away from what could have been fruitful relationships.
Recently, though, I’ve started to change my mind about networking. I want to help change yours, too. There’s too much we could miss if we don’t.
And I’m not talking about job opportunities. Those are ancillary. A nice byproduct, sure, but not the focal point.
How’s this for a nice reframe…
I want to develop relationships so that I can share my skills and input with others to help them accomplish their goals — and hopefully learn something along the way.
There are a few reasons why I like this framing of networking.
- It helps to detach you from outcomes.
Ever wanted something so badly that you tripped over yourself trying to get it?
Maybe you cared so much about winning the favor of a potential partner that you focused on impressing him or her instead of simply being your authentic self. Perhaps you wanted a new personal record in the gym and ended up pushing yourself to injury, when trusting your workout regimen would’ve gotten you to your goal without injury.
You can look at networking through the same lens. An undue focus on what you can get from the interaction steals your attention from the unique ways you can add value. And when you’re not considering how you can bring value to others, you might not be presenting your best self.
2. It motivates you to broaden your skillset.
Many of our learning pursuits are driven by a clear purpose. Usually, we learn either for a highly functional, tactical reason — like learning new Excel functions to perform a new role more efficiently — or purely out of interest — like learning a new song on the guitar.
When we put learning in the context of networking, though, our motivation for learning can become more nuanced.
You might pick up video editing because you know it’s in high demand in your industry, even if it’s not part of your job description right now. Maybe you’ll watch a few videos about coaching and mentoring so that you can offer thoughtful perspective on work challenges to the people you meet.
Learning becomes a more forward-looking, service-oriented endeavor when we think of it in terms of network building.
3. It helps you feel more connected to those around you.
What irony that in a world where connection has never been easier through media like smartphones, computers, and other technology, many of us are feeling more isolated than ever.
It’s a sad reality, and unfortunately, some of us tend toward perpetuating that feeling not only through daily actions, but through mindsets.
I’ve done it myself, and not just with networking. In some ways, the propensity to focus on the self too deeply can be a product of how you’re taught to relate to your surroundings as you grow up.
Some of us are taught to find resilience and purpose within. Others are taught to connect with others and find meaning through service and interpersonal connection. While there are merits to both approaches, the latter often goes by the wayside — especially in American culture.
In fact, in a recent episode of Therapy in a Nutshell (a beautiful podcast from psychotherapist Emma McAdam), the host summarized a study that concluded that people that turn inward and disconnect from their communities to find happiness actually become less happy. In stark contrast, when those who seek happiness turn outward to find ways to connect to those around them and serve others, they tend to become happier.
This thesis can be extended to networking. Focus on service, and notice yourself feeling more connected to those around you. How’s that for staving off existential dread?
Networking doesn’t have to feel so grimy.
Focus on helping others accomplish their goals, and watch your senses of engagement, motivation, and connectedness blossom.
