Member-only story
Manic Depressive Musings
I was recently diagnosed with Bipolar. Here is what it feels like for me
If I’m being honest, being bipolar is absolutely exhausting.
It is 1:30 am and I have yet to go to bed. I doubt that will happen anytime soon if at all tonight. Thank goodness I don’t work tomorrow.
I tell myself if I don’t sleep at all, I can just sleep the day away. “Yeah right,” my other half says. “You won’t sleep through the day either. You have to go out and conquer the world. Oh, and buy that thing you like at that shop downtown.”
“Damn it, you’re right,” I tell myself. Maybe I should take these sleeping pills now so I can actually get a few hours rest in.
The manic episodes aren’t just exhausting because I’m literally not sleeping, they are also mentally exhausting. I wish I could take my brain out of my head so I can have some God damn piece and quiet. There is also the knowledge that this incredibly fun high won’t last. The higher I fly, the further there is to fall. The inevitable depression will come, I know. I dread it every time.
In a couple of weeks, the pendulum will swing back and darkness will engulf me and I’ll wonder what the point to any of this is.
