The Mouthiest Little Mooch

Dear Libby: Mooch’s Mouthy Advice Column

Buckle Up, Bitches, I Have Lives to Improve

That’s right, take notes, Fella. I’m the one giving out the advice, not vice-versa.

Hey, Yous Guys. It’s Libby the Mooch here, and I’m ready to change lives for the better. I have a no-nonsense way of telling it like it is. Perhaps you’ve noticed that already. If not, pay the fuck attention. I’m giving you guys a bargain for my top-shelf, 12 1/2-year-old dog wisdom.

This bitch has learned some shit over the years. And instead of charging you $120 an hour like my Ma-Ma makes, these dog nuggets of wisdom are free. Well, unless you feel like tipping me. I do love trips to Petco with the Big Fella.

And the McRib is back in 6 more days. But hell, who’s counting?

I’m good at giving people advice, but I’m going to start this first installment focused on my canine cousins. These questions are from pet owners who are struggling with their doggos. Marone! Been there, done that. I’ll give it to you straight and I’ll never bullshit you. Let’s get this fiesta started.

Dear Libby,

I have a new fur-child who is adorable. Missy Honey Child is a 26-month-old Boston Terrier. She’s having trouble with potty problems when I’m at work. I feel terrible crating her while I’m gone for that long, so I let her roam…